I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
