peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
