she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
