Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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