3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
