He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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