First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We have started to decorate penises.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
