im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
