But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
