we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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