dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
