He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
