Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
