I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
