The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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