i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
