i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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