I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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