Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
