I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
