Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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