This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
