You're my little dorito
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
