there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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