I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
