Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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