I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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