my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
