do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
