We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
