We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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