i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
