my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
