Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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