She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
