So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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