my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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