I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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