What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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