Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
