im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
