I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
