I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
