and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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