New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
