Will you blow on my dice?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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