if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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