New low: just hacked my moms facebook
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
