Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's always time for handjobs
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
