its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
