we're blogging at a bar
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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